I'm Your Biggest Fan

I am always amazed at the behavior of fans. They think they know performers because they have heard performers “over-sharing” on media from the Weather Channel to Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab. Throw in the kind of access on Facebook, Twitter and performer websites, and “celebrities” shouldn’t be surprised when fans know the names of kids, birthdays and the preferred brand of dryer sheets.

Certainly celebrities did not pursue the spotlight to be ignored later. Few imagined they traded away every bit of privacy for the pedestal. There is a tiny range of acceptable fan behavior before it turns border-line creepy. To tell someone you enjoy their work is fine. To tell someone you have all their CDs and listening to their music cured you in some way will get you on a list of people security will know.

To think a performer is singing to you specifically at a concert is the equivalent of hearing voices.

I have seen it all. Patrons want public performances dedicated to them because it is their birthday, anniversary or tonight is the night that they are celebrating a similar event.

Let’s do that math. If there are 2000 people at a show, and 365 days a year, then there will likely be 5.5 people in the house with a birthday at that show. Still the requests come “if you could just announce Happy Birthday to… before the show” as though we are all at a “low rent” wedding reception or Bingo Night at the Lion’s Club.

Performers do not want your gifts, cards, flowers or food. They prefer cash.

Gifts: If you are seeing someone in your town, chances are it is because they are on tour. What are they going to do with a ceramic pelican or 12 pounds of hardcover books about your hometown?

Cards: They don’t know you. They know you like them by the fact that you are in the audience. Don’t send a card back.

Flowers: Flowers begin dying the moment they are cut. By the time your flowers are given to celebrity (if they ever are), they are half dead. Even if they make it fully fresh, they are seen for a moment and then left behind. Don’t blame the celebrity. Touring life is harder dragging two suitcases, a computer and a vase with tulips.

Food: Would you eat food given to you by someone you don’t know? (Not if you ever listened to your mother.) Add to this that most performers are watching their weight very carefully. Looking good (aka skinny) is a full time job. Your chocolate covered cherries will be left behind.

Cash: This universal gift excites everyone. But you’ve already bought a ticket. So keep yours.