Face Meet Step

Not feeling well on the road is enough to make you sick. While in Albany, NY and awaiting a late cast member, I walked back towards the hotel front lobby through the carport to see if I could find her. Unfortunately, the carport at the Holiday Inn Express had mock cobblestones. I tripped on a cobblestone and went face first into the edge of concrete step.

Since I am short, the distance between being upright and my face meeting the step is pretty small to begin with. Still, I was stunned to be catapulted so quickly without even a second to put my arms up to catch my fall. As I stood erect (not that way), I knew I would have to go to the hospital. The blood was gushing from a deep cut both inside and outside my mouth. I ran my tongue over my teeth to see if any felt chipped or broken. They didn’t. My million dollar smile was bloodied but intact.

When you are at home and you call your doctor’s office, they tell you to come into the office in a month. Your only option on the road is an urgent care clinic or the emergency room at a local hospital. Unless you are shot or bleeding, it is a very good rule to stay away from the emergency room.

If you have to eat dirt, Albany is a good place to do it. The wait was not long and everyone there kept calling me “hun.” (Even people clearly younger and less southern than me.) 12 stitches and about 2 hours later, I was done. The physicians’ assistant who stitched me up instructed me get the stitches removed in a week or else a “railroad track” scar could occur.

The touring company gave me the standard dose of sympathy their busy schedule could provide for that day. I debated wearing a band-aid over the injury to hide the stitches. However, from a distance, the sides of the band-aid dissolved from view and the center cotton pad made me look like I was an asian Hilter impersonator (And not a very good one at that).

A week later, I found myself in Richmond waiting at an Urgent Care Clinic with a waiting room full of people who seemed all to be waiting to undertake a random drug test. A black doctor about my own age came in and read my chart. He laughed out loud: “Stitches?!? I haven’t taken out stitches in over 10 years! “ “Why didn’t you do it yourself?” He asked. “I want to help you pay for your boat.” I replied. He got some sharp instrument and headed towards my face and retorted: “Uh huh. I don’t have a boat. I can’t even pay my rent.”

Beads of sweat started to form on my bald spot.

It’s been a few weeks since then and I’m sporting a small scar right above my lip on the right-hand side. I’ve decided to tell folks I got it while fencing with one of the female leads on my show.

One crew member who shares my office has been sick a few times on this short tour already. This tour requires we travel and sleep on a sleeper bus. Once one person is sick, it is easily spread all though the company. The bus is pretty posh with a front and back lounge and kitchen. It sleeps 12 and has satellite television and High(ish) speed Internet.

There are only two rules for a sleeper bus. First: you may not do “number 2” on the bus, ever. Second: You must always sleep with your feet facing the driver. In case the driver should have to slam on the breaks, you will slide in the direction of your feet and not your neck. There is no rule about washing your hands on the bus if you are feeling sick and we are all the worse for it.

The tour is now moving west and that means an earlier time zone. Connecting with friends and family will now be even harder. Easter is approaching and although there don’t seem to be any devout Catholics on this tour, people are excited about the holiday.

We will be in a major city for the 2 days prior and 1 day after the holiday. Family and friends are visiting but not mine. I will make a reservation for Easter dinner tomorrow. One Easter dinner in Denver, I at Burger King because all the downtown eateries were booked solid or closed. Misery, table for one. Right this way.

Why was the chain “Holiday Inn Express” created?

Was having staff, room service and convenient locations slowing things down?

We have three couples (that I know of, anyway) currently on tour. Two of them are struggling. It puts the company on edge. When one person says they are breaking up with their “other half” are you supposed to take sides? If you agree it is a good idea and they get back together, you are remembered as the guy who tried to break up their great love. Two days ago, one of these couples got into a physical fight stage right in the wings during the show. Crew members broke it up and then the woman who was being shoved told everyone there to “butt out because it’s not your business.” She almost got hit again.

Office politics are magnified many times over when you live in the office.